What is going on?

Well lots is going on. We got rid of the PT Cruiser this week. We decided that inorder to help save money and stress it was the best thing to do. So we are a one car family now. We will manage. We always do.

G - is going to her 1st dance on Saturday. She has a really cute dress our friend from church Christie is going to do her hair and make up.

B - is B! No teeth and a video gamer.

In-Freaking-Sane

Could my life be more of a Cluster Fuck than what it is now. So much to do think about and evaluate.

NO Fword Challenge

Well it is day 3 into the new year really trying hard not to say the fword. However sometimes especially with me habits are hard to break. I've done really good today only 5 so for me that is really, really good... LOL...

End of the Year. Good Bye 2009

So 2009 is only hours away from ending and a new year will begin. I know that next year is going to be insane. I have a lot that I want to get done. Just the 1st few months are going to be insane. One of my very good friends has noted that I say the Fword too much (out of context)- SO I'm really going to try and be conscious of it and use my big girl words.

I am now in my 3 semester of getting my Prereq's for nursing.. Really excited maybe by the fall I will be enrolled in the Nursing program.. :)

This year i have also started a Home Based Cupcake Business. Some weeks are really good and others are not. But I guess with any company there are ups and downs. I would really love for it to pick up more so that with the income from that and Financial aid I would be ok.

There is so much to say but I just cant put it into words right now. OH I do need to blog more. Just for the Fact of it being a Stress reliever.. Cause Lord knows, I'm the only one that reads this thing..........

Whatever! is all I can say.

Dear Blogging Diary! What a freaking Mess!

Soo my dad told Eric yesterday that I'm the one that is damaging Gabie & that if it came down to it that I would be the one asked to leave not Eric. he also told Eric that he raised me better than that, and that I'm hard headed.

#1 Really you raised me? Hmm that is news to me. OK well from what i remember is that I would go to school September - June. School would get out normally on a Thursday and I would be on a plane that Saturday to Tennessee to stay with my Grandmother - I would return the Saturday before school started. From where i stand she raised me.. My dad never really talked to me unless it was when my stepmother did not know what to do. She was the one who always disciplined. I You know this is such crap!

Why am i the bad guy! Why am i the one being told that I am damaging Gabie. Screw you! i am so freaking pissed that I don't know what else to so but Whatever. Whatever.

So if we are going based on the actions of Gabie. Is my dad to blame for me getting Pregnant? UM NO, I made those decisions. Gabie is just as much to blame for her own actions, is she rebelling because she is pissed at me? Probably? Am i hard on her? Yes!, I don't want her to struggle like Eric and I have had to struggle. Do i like it when My dad shakes his head in shock that we will be celebrating our 14th year of Marriage on Sept. 5? No, i don't.. that is just one more thing that I can check off in my book of him not being supportive..
You know I thought that moving here would better our relationship but all it has done is made me see that yes my dad is a complete tool bag!. I'm sorry but FUCK DUDE! you have never been a dad. when i went to the Father/Daughter dance in HS that is the only thing that I remember us doing together. Sorry Dad, I'm not the son that you wanted but I am your daughter. Why can you look at me.. I'm right here. Why don't you notice me! Why don't you see me.. I am so made in your image. I am just as blunt, direct and rude as you.. People have always said, you always know where Jenn stands.. Some appreciate that others not so much but they learn to love me. ---Ah! love - lets touch on that. the word LOVE 4 letters 1 syllable..Who would have thought that it would be the hardest word for you to say. You tell my kids that you love them. But what about me! you have never said it without it being said to you 1st. You raised me better though remember! - If you only knew - how hurt I am. Yes my mother Kathy was not the best mom, who checked out when i was 4 and said that she could not be a mom. But you know 16 days before she died she wrote me a 3 page letter that really explained so much to me. I hated her for so many years for YOUR reasons not mine. I wished that she was dead for how she just ditched me and dropped me off at her mothers door step. but it was not until i read her letter did i know that she was sick! Would have been nice to have know that when You were throwing her under the bus. Her Funeral - Still don't know why i did not go to it. But I'm pretty sure that if I were to ask you, you would give your stupid answer - "Don't Worry about it" Well Dad Fuck You! I do worry about it. I am mad as Hell. You would pick Your step children or son-n-law over your own blood. Well Dad. I'm done.. I am so totally done.. Remember a few months ago when you said "I spent $6,600 on a bail bond, $1,500 loan and $30,000 to build out the basement" the $6,000 & $1,500 I'm sorry that you were put in that spot but the I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR THE $30,000 for the build out of the basement. YOU INVITED ME here! Remember? - Remember you had a dream that God spoke to you and this was what you were supposed to do? Well as God spoken to you lately? Maybe he can deliver a Private Special message to you from me. Hey Mike, YOUR daughter Jennifer has already lost a parent to stupid-ness - she was not able to say sorry for all of the hurt things that she was feeling at the time that I took her from Earth. but Hey your going to lose her too. You invited her to live here only to act like a bill collector and be a watch dog. Eric and her have done a pretty good job of out lasting all the other kids that got married at their age focus on the Good Mike, and be a real Christian, not the one that the stereotypes are built on"
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Do I feel better? No, No i don't. But Whatever.. You never payed attention Dad. but maybe you will when I move out and Don't let the door hit me in the Ass as i leave...Is that right? I think that is what you say.. but Whatever!.. It doesn't matter. You are always right and I am just that little ant sitting in the corner as you continue to kick me down.. thank you, Thank you Dad. I appreciate all that you have done. Whatever!


PS. I NEVER PROOFREAD JUST TYPE AND PUBLISH..

Hey

Well I start school in 2 weeks a little scared. Alot has happened in the last month. My 1/2 sister has started to talk to me again. We had a huge falling out about a year ago and asked me to leave her life so I did. And now she is back which is awesome! I hope that we ca be friends cause we have never really been sisters! She lived with our mom and I lived with my dad. After my mom died we became a little bit closer but just couldn't get along.. but any way it is all good now. Church has been odd. I have heard ALOT of stuff and listened to it. but can;t judge bc i was not there and it is not my place too. Hmmm Kids are still out of school my Step bother is coming to visit in August. Actually August 5th, the day after my kids go back to school pretty selfish on my parents part I think? Maybe my kids wanted to play with their cousins my Step brother is bringing his son and my step sisters son.. but Oh Well it's not about me right? So why is it when i say that i cant help but not think about me.. Maybe being unemployed has done it but the Guilt that I have from not working is overwhelming I try and smile but I'm sad. i could type for days but do you really want all of that Dear Diary? I think our Xbox Died we had the Red circle of death today? I left before Eric got mad.. Thanks B you gaming Junkie! LOL...

THE PANTRY JOB

Here are some Before & After Photos of a Pantry that I organized.
THE BEFORE!


THE AFTER!