Dear Blogging Diary! What a freaking Mess!
Soo my dad told Eric yesterday that I'm the one that is damaging Gabie & that if it came down to it that I would be the one asked to leave not Eric. he also told Eric that he raised me better than that, and that I'm hard headed.
#1 Really you raised me? Hmm that is news to me. OK well from what i remember is that I would go to school September - June. School would get out normally on a Thursday and I would be on a plane that Saturday to Tennessee to stay with my Grandmother - I would return the Saturday before school started. From where i stand she raised me.. My dad never really talked to me unless it was when my stepmother did not know what to do. She was the one who always disciplined. I You know this is such crap!
Why am i the bad guy! Why am i the one being told that I am damaging Gabie. Screw you! i am so freaking pissed that I don't know what else to so but Whatever. Whatever.
So if we are going based on the actions of Gabie. Is my dad to blame for me getting Pregnant? UM NO, I made those decisions. Gabie is just as much to blame for her own actions, is she rebelling because she is pissed at me? Probably? Am i hard on her? Yes!, I don't want her to struggle like Eric and I have had to struggle. Do i like it when My dad shakes his head in shock that we will be celebrating our 14th year of Marriage on Sept. 5? No, i don't.. that is just one more thing that I can check off in my book of him not being supportive..
You know I thought that moving here would better our relationship but all it has done is made me see that yes my dad is a complete tool bag!. I'm sorry but FUCK DUDE! you have never been a dad. when i went to the Father/Daughter dance in HS that is the only thing that I remember us doing together. Sorry Dad, I'm not the son that you wanted but I am your daughter. Why can you look at me.. I'm right here. Why don't you notice me! Why don't you see me.. I am so made in your image. I am just as blunt, direct and rude as you.. People have always said, you always know where Jenn stands.. Some appreciate that others not so much but they learn to love me. ---Ah! love - lets touch on that. the word LOVE 4 letters 1 syllable..Who would have thought that it would be the hardest word for you to say. You tell my kids that you love them. But what about me! you have never said it without it being said to you 1st. You raised me better though remember! - If you only knew - how hurt I am. Yes my mother Kathy was not the best mom, who checked out when i was 4 and said that she could not be a mom. But you know 16 days before she died she wrote me a 3 page letter that really explained so much to me. I hated her for so many years for YOUR reasons not mine. I wished that she was dead for how she just ditched me and dropped me off at her mothers door step. but it was not until i read her letter did i know that she was sick! Would have been nice to have know that when You were throwing her under the bus. Her Funeral - Still don't know why i did not go to it. But I'm pretty sure that if I were to ask you, you would give your stupid answer - "Don't Worry about it" Well Dad Fuck You! I do worry about it. I am mad as Hell. You would pick Your step children or son-n-law over your own blood. Well Dad. I'm done.. I am so totally done.. Remember a few months ago when you said "I spent $6,600 on a bail bond, $1,500 loan and $30,000 to build out the basement" the $6,000 & $1,500 I'm sorry that you were put in that spot but the I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR THE $30,000 for the build out of the basement. YOU INVITED ME here! Remember? - Remember you had a dream that God spoke to you and this was what you were supposed to do? Well as God spoken to you lately? Maybe he can deliver a Private Special message to you from me. Hey Mike, YOUR daughter Jennifer has already lost a parent to stupid-ness - she was not able to say sorry for all of the hurt things that she was feeling at the time that I took her from Earth. but Hey your going to lose her too. You invited her to live here only to act like a bill collector and be a watch dog. Eric and her have done a pretty good job of out lasting all the other kids that got married at their age focus on the Good Mike, and be a real Christian, not the one that the stereotypes are built on"
______________________________________________________
Do I feel better? No, No i don't. But Whatever.. You never payed attention Dad. but maybe you will when I move out and Don't let the door hit me in the Ass as i leave...Is that right? I think that is what you say.. but Whatever!.. It doesn't matter. You are always right and I am just that little ant sitting in the corner as you continue to kick me down.. thank you, Thank you Dad. I appreciate all that you have done. Whatever!
PS. I NEVER PROOFREAD JUST TYPE AND PUBLISH..
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
My 1st English Paper that I did not write
For some reason I just could not write it.. So Eric wrote nearly all of it for me..
So Mr. Brooks. The words that I had on my life were ones that I did not want to share with my english teacher.
April 21, 1976, March Air Force Base, Riverside California. I’m brought into this world whether I like it or not. Born the daughter of two enlisted Air Force members; who if I had to guess weren’t planning on having a baby, let alone a life together. My Dad, Michael Leggett, 24 at the time was born and raised in Tennessee, My Mother Kathleen Way, 22 was born and raised in Michigan. Talk about a clash of beliefs and lifestyles. Needless to say their relationship didn’t last long; they divorced when I was only 3, each going their own way with me stuck in the middle.
I started my exciting trip through the world of a broken family living with my Mother, and visiting my Dad when he was able to make the drive. I don’t remember much of this because of my age, which is probably a blessing in disguise, so I can’t go into too much detail. Both my parents moved on with their lives and found new partners.
My Dad remained in California after his enlistment in the Airforce and married his new love interest, Corie. My Mom moved to San Jacinto, also in California with her boyfriend and soon to be husband Larry but never became one. Around my forth birthday my Mom began having personal issues which made taking care of me extremely difficult. My Dad, not wanting to see me stuck in the middle of this decided that it was time for me to come live with him, his new wife, and her two kids. He was either incredibly brave or incredibly dumb, I’m not sure which, but I’m thankful either way.
It was a little bit of a culture shock being pulled from my Mom and thrust into a new family, but I know my Dad had my best interest at heart. This did not make the transition any easier at the time, but now as I look back, I can see my Dad had no other choice.
With this new family, I gained a new mother; Corie. An older sister; Summer (14 years older), and an older brother; Gordon (12 years older). I’m sure the transition was just as difficult for them as it was for me, but we managed to have a somewhat normal relationship (Somewhat being the key phrase). As with any two families that are forced to become one, there is going to be tension and moments of discomfort, but in the end it all worked out.
Around my 12th birthday we moved from Riverside California to Rancho Cucamonga California. I started the 6th grade, and as weird as it sounds as this young age, I would meet the person I was going to marry. He was our paperboy, Eric. I would see him at school and when he picked up the payment for his paper route. I thought he was cute, but he never really paid much attention to me. One night while babysitting for a neighbor Eric showed up to collect payment for the paper. I gave him his check and instead of just shutting the door and walking away, I decided to try my hand at flirting. Keep in mind that in the 7th grade I was already 5’10”, a good 3-4 inches taller than all the boys and I wore big thick framed glasses, I hope your getting the picture. I don’t remember exactly what I said nor did that night, but it worked. Over the next few weeks Eric started making eye contact with me at school and on the bus, then he started showing up at my house, and it wasn’t even time to pick up payment for the paper. One thing leads to another and I had a boyfriend. Our relationship was short lived, Eric was moving on to High School (we were one year apart) and decided he didn’t want to have an 8th grader as a girlfriend. So he wrote me a very nice break up letter.
Fast forward one year and I’m in the 9th grade. Guess who is suddenly back in my life, Eric. Seems he didn’t have much luck with girls the year I was away. Eric and I began dating again and this time it wouldn’t end so quickly. We stayed together throughout high school. Being the responsible teenagers that we were I ended up pregnant my junior year. Eric graduated and went on to the Marine Corps. We had plans to get married but I was determined to finish high school first and get my diploma, regardless how difficult it might be. My Dad being from a very religious family was more than a little disappointed in my pregnancy; for the most part he turned his back on me and did little to help me through what would be one of the most trying times in my life. If not for the help that Eric's family gave me while he was gone I'm not sure I would have succeeded.
Gabrielle was born on September 22, 1994. Eric was in boot camp and couldn’t be there for her birth, something he still regrets to this day. I was only 18 and starting my Senior year of high school. I was all-alone with a brand new baby, living in a house with a father who wanted little to do with me or my new born baby daughter. Eric would be gone for almost the first 7 months of her life. This was tough on both of us. I had nobody there to help me, nobody to talk too on those tough nights, and he was home sick and missing Gabrielle and me.
Eric was honorably discharged from the Marine Corp. in 1999. Our time in the military was tough on both of us, with him being deployed multiple times, and just the overall stress of being a military family. But it also gave us a solid foundation for our future. Eric was hired with a local Fire Department right out of the Marine Corp and we stayed in the Southern California area.
On November 26, 2002 we added a little boy to our family, unplanned according to Eric, But let’s just say I had some plans of my own. With the birth of our son Brendon we decided that we did not want to put him in childcare right away and that I would stay home for a couple of years. Because of money struggles I went back to work in 2005 and also tried to be a full time student. This was extremely overwhelming and I dropped out of school.
In November of 2006 my parents asked us to move to Georgia. They say that it was to help us out and to save money for a house; personally I think that it was out of guilt. Eric and I have always done our best and worked the hardest but could never seem to get ahead. So they built out their basement basically into a 3 bedroom apartment for us. Over the last 2 years since we have been here things have been rough but they are going.
Present day. I work for a small IT consulting company, go to school full time and am a Stay at home mom. My Husband is going back to college as well in the fall and we will both hopefully be in nursing school in 2010.
So Mr. Brooks. The words that I had on my life were ones that I did not want to share with my english teacher.
April 21, 1976, March Air Force Base, Riverside California. I’m brought into this world whether I like it or not. Born the daughter of two enlisted Air Force members; who if I had to guess weren’t planning on having a baby, let alone a life together. My Dad, Michael Leggett, 24 at the time was born and raised in Tennessee, My Mother Kathleen Way, 22 was born and raised in Michigan. Talk about a clash of beliefs and lifestyles. Needless to say their relationship didn’t last long; they divorced when I was only 3, each going their own way with me stuck in the middle.
I started my exciting trip through the world of a broken family living with my Mother, and visiting my Dad when he was able to make the drive. I don’t remember much of this because of my age, which is probably a blessing in disguise, so I can’t go into too much detail. Both my parents moved on with their lives and found new partners.
My Dad remained in California after his enlistment in the Airforce and married his new love interest, Corie. My Mom moved to San Jacinto, also in California with her boyfriend and soon to be husband Larry but never became one. Around my forth birthday my Mom began having personal issues which made taking care of me extremely difficult. My Dad, not wanting to see me stuck in the middle of this decided that it was time for me to come live with him, his new wife, and her two kids. He was either incredibly brave or incredibly dumb, I’m not sure which, but I’m thankful either way.
It was a little bit of a culture shock being pulled from my Mom and thrust into a new family, but I know my Dad had my best interest at heart. This did not make the transition any easier at the time, but now as I look back, I can see my Dad had no other choice.
With this new family, I gained a new mother; Corie. An older sister; Summer (14 years older), and an older brother; Gordon (12 years older). I’m sure the transition was just as difficult for them as it was for me, but we managed to have a somewhat normal relationship (Somewhat being the key phrase). As with any two families that are forced to become one, there is going to be tension and moments of discomfort, but in the end it all worked out.
Around my 12th birthday we moved from Riverside California to Rancho Cucamonga California. I started the 6th grade, and as weird as it sounds as this young age, I would meet the person I was going to marry. He was our paperboy, Eric. I would see him at school and when he picked up the payment for his paper route. I thought he was cute, but he never really paid much attention to me. One night while babysitting for a neighbor Eric showed up to collect payment for the paper. I gave him his check and instead of just shutting the door and walking away, I decided to try my hand at flirting. Keep in mind that in the 7th grade I was already 5’10”, a good 3-4 inches taller than all the boys and I wore big thick framed glasses, I hope your getting the picture. I don’t remember exactly what I said nor did that night, but it worked. Over the next few weeks Eric started making eye contact with me at school and on the bus, then he started showing up at my house, and it wasn’t even time to pick up payment for the paper. One thing leads to another and I had a boyfriend. Our relationship was short lived, Eric was moving on to High School (we were one year apart) and decided he didn’t want to have an 8th grader as a girlfriend. So he wrote me a very nice break up letter.
Fast forward one year and I’m in the 9th grade. Guess who is suddenly back in my life, Eric. Seems he didn’t have much luck with girls the year I was away. Eric and I began dating again and this time it wouldn’t end so quickly. We stayed together throughout high school. Being the responsible teenagers that we were I ended up pregnant my junior year. Eric graduated and went on to the Marine Corps. We had plans to get married but I was determined to finish high school first and get my diploma, regardless how difficult it might be. My Dad being from a very religious family was more than a little disappointed in my pregnancy; for the most part he turned his back on me and did little to help me through what would be one of the most trying times in my life. If not for the help that Eric's family gave me while he was gone I'm not sure I would have succeeded.
Gabrielle was born on September 22, 1994. Eric was in boot camp and couldn’t be there for her birth, something he still regrets to this day. I was only 18 and starting my Senior year of high school. I was all-alone with a brand new baby, living in a house with a father who wanted little to do with me or my new born baby daughter. Eric would be gone for almost the first 7 months of her life. This was tough on both of us. I had nobody there to help me, nobody to talk too on those tough nights, and he was home sick and missing Gabrielle and me.
Eric was honorably discharged from the Marine Corp. in 1999. Our time in the military was tough on both of us, with him being deployed multiple times, and just the overall stress of being a military family. But it also gave us a solid foundation for our future. Eric was hired with a local Fire Department right out of the Marine Corp and we stayed in the Southern California area.
On November 26, 2002 we added a little boy to our family, unplanned according to Eric, But let’s just say I had some plans of my own. With the birth of our son Brendon we decided that we did not want to put him in childcare right away and that I would stay home for a couple of years. Because of money struggles I went back to work in 2005 and also tried to be a full time student. This was extremely overwhelming and I dropped out of school.
In November of 2006 my parents asked us to move to Georgia. They say that it was to help us out and to save money for a house; personally I think that it was out of guilt. Eric and I have always done our best and worked the hardest but could never seem to get ahead. So they built out their basement basically into a 3 bedroom apartment for us. Over the last 2 years since we have been here things have been rough but they are going.
Present day. I work for a small IT consulting company, go to school full time and am a Stay at home mom. My Husband is going back to college as well in the fall and we will both hopefully be in nursing school in 2010.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Hey
Well I start school in 2 weeks a little scared. Alot has happened in the last month. My 1/2 sister has started to talk to me again. We had a huge falling out about a year ago and asked me to leave her life so I did. And now she is back which is awesome! I hope that we ca be friends cause we have never really been sisters! She lived with our mom and I lived with my dad. After my mom died we became a little bit closer but just couldn't get along.. but any way it is all good now. Church has been odd. I have heard ALOT of stuff and listened to it. but can;t judge bc i was not there and it is not my place too. Hmmm Kids are still out of school my Step bother is coming to visit in August. Actually August 5th, the day after my kids go back to school pretty selfish on my parents part I think? Maybe my kids wanted to play with their cousins my Step brother is bringing his son and my step sisters son.. but Oh Well it's not about me right? So why is it when i say that i cant help but not think about me.. Maybe being unemployed has done it but the Guilt that I have from not working is overwhelming I try and smile but I'm sad. Everything with me and Eric is still awesome.. i love him so much. He is a little annoying :O) but so am i. i could type for days but do you really want all of that Dear Diary? I think our Xbox Died we had the Red circle of death today? I left before Eric got mad.. Thanks B you gaming Junkie! LOL...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Tubing In North Georgia
Dear Bloggin Diary,
We had so much fun tubing today.. Yes. We may have gotten lost on the way there made some tire marks and a couple of U-Turns, but once we got there it was a lot of fun. It took us about 2 1/2 hours to float down. It was at some dudes house I think.. You just walked out into the backyard? and jump in.. B's as well as my legs are nicely Pink! - Ouch we will feel it in the morning..It was nice to just sit and float along the river with nothing to worry or think about.. Well. That's it.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Mr. James Duncan-
This is my response to a Gary Lamb/Perry Noble Bashing Website.
http://www.jduncan.com/blog/
on the left click on Lamb..
This guy is a total Tool!
Jenn Wagner-PROUD REVOLUTION ATTENDEE writes:
June 15th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
What is going on? Gary once said that he used to read all the trash that was said about him because “EVERY IDIOT HAS A BLOG” Well sir, you must have been the idiot that Gary was speaking of. You make assuptions that Elana & Kyle are no longer on twitter or facebook, but yet they are.. Last time I checked you are not a regular attender of Revolution, you have no idea of what you are talking about. Revolution is a Family of People who love eachother and accept all. We do not judge people for the actions that they commit. We forgive and move on for Who are we to Throw that 1st stone. As for you Sir that is all you have done is thrown stones at MY PASTOR Gary Lamb. He is human he and Elana made a very stupid mistake. She was named becuase The Board of Trustees did not want any speculation as to whom he had an affair with. Elana is not innocent either. This note is not to Lift up Gary but to note that 2 people in or not in church did something that they shouldn’t have done..You sir are not any more innocent. You have belittled, made fun of, and have been abusive to all members of Revolution Church as well as those affiliated with us.. Maybe you should come to Revolution and see the Love that is in that Building-THE NON-JUDGING LOVE! We are the most supportive group of individuals. And We forgive Elana & Gary and will not judge them for they are only human…We at Revolution have a Group that Meets every Tuesday Night at 6pm.. Its called CELEBRATE RECOVERY, it is for those with Hurts, Hang-Ups & Habits. You should stop by, You have obvious issues with Bashing Pastors!. it may not be the Old School Southern Baptist or whatever you believe in and no matter how he taught it.. We still have nearly 3000 people every Sunday at Service to Listen.
Get Over Yourself. I hope that All the judgement that you have placed upon others on Earth, will kindly be given back to you in Heaven.. Is what your doing Godly?
http://www.jduncan.com/blog/
on the left click on Lamb..
This guy is a total Tool!
Jenn Wagner-PROUD REVOLUTION ATTENDEE writes:
June 15th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
What is going on? Gary once said that he used to read all the trash that was said about him because “EVERY IDIOT HAS A BLOG” Well sir, you must have been the idiot that Gary was speaking of. You make assuptions that Elana & Kyle are no longer on twitter or facebook, but yet they are.. Last time I checked you are not a regular attender of Revolution, you have no idea of what you are talking about. Revolution is a Family of People who love eachother and accept all. We do not judge people for the actions that they commit. We forgive and move on for Who are we to Throw that 1st stone. As for you Sir that is all you have done is thrown stones at MY PASTOR Gary Lamb. He is human he and Elana made a very stupid mistake. She was named becuase The Board of Trustees did not want any speculation as to whom he had an affair with. Elana is not innocent either. This note is not to Lift up Gary but to note that 2 people in or not in church did something that they shouldn’t have done..You sir are not any more innocent. You have belittled, made fun of, and have been abusive to all members of Revolution Church as well as those affiliated with us.. Maybe you should come to Revolution and see the Love that is in that Building-THE NON-JUDGING LOVE! We are the most supportive group of individuals. And We forgive Elana & Gary and will not judge them for they are only human…We at Revolution have a Group that Meets every Tuesday Night at 6pm.. Its called CELEBRATE RECOVERY, it is for those with Hurts, Hang-Ups & Habits. You should stop by, You have obvious issues with Bashing Pastors!. it may not be the Old School Southern Baptist or whatever you believe in and no matter how he taught it.. We still have nearly 3000 people every Sunday at Service to Listen.
Get Over Yourself. I hope that All the judgement that you have placed upon others on Earth, will kindly be given back to you in Heaven.. Is what your doing Godly?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I Saw God Today.
We all know what happened on Sunday and just like he said every idiot has a blog well I am not going to put my feelings into writing because I do not know what I am feeling or thinking. I am going to post some of the Lyrics from George Straits - I Saw God Today - When I think about what happened at Revolution on Sunday this song keeps popping into my head.
I've been to church
I've read the book
I know He's here, but I don't look
Near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I'd just slow down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today.
We have had a HUGE loss, especially to those who were there NOT to hear the word but to hear Gary.. Yes they were "there" for not all the right reasons. but those reasons have made us closer. I just hope that by What Gary did does not send him over the deep end. He is a Man! He's Human! He is forgiven!
I've been to church
I've read the book
I know He's here, but I don't look
Near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I'd just slow down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today.
We have had a HUGE loss, especially to those who were there NOT to hear the word but to hear Gary.. Yes they were "there" for not all the right reasons. but those reasons have made us closer. I just hope that by What Gary did does not send him over the deep end. He is a Man! He's Human! He is forgiven!
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