16 Years

*WARNING THIS IS GRAPHIC!**

May 1, 1994.It was a Sunday.

The phone is ringing. When I answer it is my mom (So I thought) asking to speak to my dad. I was confused and thought that she had figured out my secret (Pregnant w/Gabie). I told her that he was at work, I said What's wrong mom? She said this is not your mother this is Jeneva (My Maternal Grandmother even though she said I wasn't (Bitch)) Jeneva asked me if I was sitting down and began to tell me that there had been an accident. I immediately asked if my 14yr old sister was OK. She said that it was not my sister and that it was Kathy (my Mom). Jeneva told me that Kathy was in a car accident and had been killed.

I started crying, hyperventilating, freaking out. I remember just sobbing uncontrollably. My Mom is Dead! And I'm pregnant with her GrandChild. Maybe it was because I was pregnant that I was so emotional but my mother was gone. I was never really close to her but I knew that things were going to be changing fast so I think that is why it hit me so hard. I was pregnant, getting ready to move out and be away from my Father's shadow and could develop my own relationship with her, instead of the one I was lead to believe.

Kathleen Ann Halvorson was born in Michigan (10/5/55) and died in New Mexico (5/1/94) She was not a perfect person but who is? She battled with Depression, Bio-Polar, Drinking & Drugs. She died of blunt trauma of head and chest. She was reportedly driving at a high rate of speed in a vehicle which overturned, after leaving the roadway. she was partial ejected through the sunroof of the vehicle. An autopsy revealed severe blunt force injuries of the head and chest including facical and skull fractures, lacerations of the brain and rib fractures. Toxicologist analysis of blood obtained postmortem revealed an ethanol concentration of 0.027%. Her Death was ruled as an accident.

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Dear Mom, I dont think that I will ever understand God's plan. When You died I gave up God. And went on living my life in a trance. I miss you everyday. I sometimes think that I see you. It is hard to talk to the kids about you. I would give anything to have 5 minutes with you. Just to say I'm sorry for letting my dad cloud my Judgement & not trusting in you. Mom, the Kids are great. B always says thats your other Mom. He is Right You are my other mom. It wasnt until just now when I turned to tell Gabie that you have been dead for 16 years that I could not speak and begin to cry. I love you. and Yes I am trying to be nice to Tara (my 1/2 sister) but dang she really pisses me off. i did text her this morning telling her I loved her & to try and have a good day. I will to afterall, I launched My Cupcakes & More club today in honor of You! You give me hope. I love you.

Your loving Daughter

Jennifer